Planet 51

No.

The premise is there, but the execution is off for this silly, super colorful cartoon that is aimed only at young children and yet, at times, is highly inappropriate. One of the two risque jokes will go right over their heads and the other is a dirty joke that's right at their age level. Together they result in my total amount of laugh time from the whole movie... which is seconds at most.

Planet 51 is a high energy film that may entertain your kids while they're watching it, but I implore you to have a sit down with them after and talk to them about why it was a bad movie. We can't have these kids growing up thinking that this was acceptable filmmaking.

2012

Yes.

2012 falls into the category of movies that are so bad they're good. The writers and director must have known it was bad and/or realized that all anyone who was paying to see the movie would care about is the special effects.

In the year 2012, according to this movie, solar flares will release neutrino's which will melt the Earth's core causing the crust of the earth to collapse. Miraculously, this will all happen without microwaving everyone on the planet.

John Cusack plays a character with a name that no one involved in the films production could get straight... Jackson Curtis... or Curtis Jackson. Depending on who you ask or where you look it could be either one. Some people called him Jackson and others called him Curtis. The cover of the book he wrote says 'by Jackson Curtis' but his Driver's License says 'Jackson, Curtis'. So, what's his name? No one will ever know.

In order to save his family, Cusack figures out a way to get them to China where rescue might await them. I don't know how long the flight from L.A. to China is, but I would assume long enough for one to want to kick back and maybe take his tie off. Not Cusack. He flies all the way to China and continues to try to save the world in his suit, tie and all.

Look, the fact of the matter is that while all of these flaws prove how little the film makers care about story, continuity and common sense, they really deliver on the promise of epic eye-candy. If your looking for the disaster flick of all disaster flicks, 2012 is for you.

The Box

Yes.

Have you ever sat through a whole movie and thought, "What the hell did I just watch?" I can tell you that I've seen all of writer/director Richard Kelly's films over the past 10 years and I've had a similar reaction to all three.

I watched Donnie Darko when it first came out on DVD and when it ended I stared at the television for the entire length of the end credits, the menu came back up, I said "What?" out loud, and then pressed play again and sat through the whole movie again... it didn't really help me to understand it at all, but I still love that movie.

Southland Tales? Well I didn't really watch the whole thing; so not so much with the love, but I can say that I really have no idea what it's about or what happened during the parts that I saw.

I was kind of pumped for The Box because the trailer made it look significantly more comprehensible than Kelly's last two films. It wasn't. It turned into something completely different from what I had expected, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that if you asked me to explain it, I swear I wouldn't be able to. Something about lightening and missing toes, water squares and libraries, of course there's a box and there's also a motel full of employees... there might have been aliens involved, I don't know.

I want to see it again so I can maybe understand it better, in the meantime you're on your own so watch carefully if you decide to go.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Ummm... sure, on DVD...

... and as it turns out, that will be your only option since it's no longer in theatres. The 3D was cool and the story was cute, but the movie was too long (and at 90 minutes long, that's not a good thing).

The fact is that, probably by design, Meatballs has little emotional impact and you really don't feel any different walking out than you did walking in. That's not to say that it won't do it's job... this movie was created to entertain children, not change an adults outlook on life. It's just that, and I will continue to do this, when I compare this Meatballs to any Pixar film, it seems superfiscial... empty... bubblegum.

Rent Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs for your kids and get some housework done while they're distracted, but don't rely on it for wholesome family entertainment.

The Fourth Kind

No.

Don't try to fool us with your fake ass "clinical studies", horribly acted "interviews" and mildly frightening "actual footage". We're not buying it and a dramatization of the fictional events isn't necessary. We certainly don't need to see the "actual footage" and the dramatization side by side using a split screen.

Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again... Milla Jovavich CANNOT act. Stop putting her in movies. Even bad ones. If the only actress you can get is Milla Jovavich, DON'T MAKE THE MOVIE.

The Proposal

Yes.

The Proposal was released in theatres on 6/19/09 and on DVD and Blu-ray on 10/13/09.

I actually liked The Proposal. It's a super formulaic rom-com and you already know how it's going to end even if you haven't seen it yet. Bullock does and OK job playing the bitchy boss-lady. Her bitchiness was apparent more due to the reactions of the people around her than the actions of her character. Reynolds plays the same better than average looking every guy that he plays in all the romantic comedies he's in. His ability to ground these kinds of movies helps to elevate them above the common chick flick.

It's easier to recommend since it's available for home viewing, although I think that I would still mildly recommend it if it were still in theatres.

Crank: High Voltage

No.

Crank: High Voltage was released in theatres on 4/17/09 and on DVD and Blu-ray on 9/8/09.

There is no possible way to take this movie seriously, even as a gag. In the first movie he needed to keep his adrenaline up. Fast car rides, sex, gun fights, helicopter crashes... these are all legitimate ways of keeping your heart rate up. Some of them are dangerous, but they won't necessarily kill you instantaneously. In High Voltage, he needs an electric charge to keep his heart pumping. Hooking a car battery up to you tongue and grabbing hold of high voltage electric conductors at the top of a tower should have just killed him. Having hard core raunchy sex in the middle of a horse race track to create friction during the horse race and hooking up jumper cables to your crotch instead of just your arm could probably be classified as overkill... and stupid.

I suppose if you're willing to buy into the fact that he fell out of a helicopter with no parachute and survived, Asian gang members happened to be there to collect his living body from right where he landed to bring him back to their hideout to harvest his organs, that he was alive during the harvest, and that he decided to fight back when he realized that the next organ they were going to take was his penis, then there really is no reason not to enjoy the rest of the movie.

From my opinion, though, no, you should not watch Crank: High Voltage.

Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

Yes... kind of.

I remember seeing the original on DVD after being told how great it was and thinking it was OK. I rewatched it in preparation for the sequel and absolutely loved it. It's funny, emotional, action packed... it really has just about everything you could want in a movie.

Boondock Saints II is definitely action packed and has some humorous moments, but struggles with the emotional parts and, stylistically, is really nothing like the original. In fact, although it is written and directed by Troy Duffy, the writer and director of the original, you'd never know it... If Boondock Saints was inspired by Tarantino, All Saints Day was inspired by the Wachowski Brothers. Boondock Saints seemed to effortlessly roll off of Duffy's pen whereas All Saints Day is very heavy handed. Duffy is clearly trying very hard to recreate the qualities of the original and for the first 3/4 of the movie is pretty unsuccessful.

The characters are set up in three groups (just like in the original): law enforcement, the saints, and the mob. Also like in the first movie, the mob are like cartoon characters dripping with stereotypes. I was hoping he might have toned it down a little, but, they remain. The same team of Boston police from the original are back and while they were subtly goofy in the first installment, they're like the three stooges in the sequel. Willem Dafoe's replacement is Julie Benz (Rita from 'Dexter'). She is so annoying throughout the whole movie that it's almost unbearable. The boys are fine although I noticed that Sean Patrick Flannery's brogue seemed a little off... it might just be because I recently learned that he isn't actually from Ireland, he was born in Louisiana and raised in Texas. Maybe if I rewatch the original with this new information, I'll notice it in that one as well.

From the moment Billy Connelly shows up at the end, everything seems to get back on track and the last 20 minutes or so could have easily been tacked onto the end of the first movie. I didn't hate All Saints Day, but I was slightly disappointed. If you're a Boondock Saints fan, check this movie out, but keep your expectations low.

Michael Jackson's This Is It

No.

My problem with This Is It, is that there is no climax. Throughout the film, the editor's continuously introduce layer after layer of the final product, as if there was going to be a final product... there is none.

They start by showing the dancer auditions, then interspersed throughout footage of the rehearsals, they add information about the band, then the production of the video footage for the backdrop of the stage, then the costuming and the pyrotechnics. It all very slowly builds up to what I was hoping would be footage of a near final dress rehearsal with full lighting, make-up and costumes. I recognize the fact that the man died suddenly and that if there was no footage to show, there was no way to create it. I think there were some better choices that could have been made by the director to create a stronger third act to the film.

Performance-wise, I'd have to say I'm slightly disappointed. I know he was just rehearsing and wasn't expecting this footage to be released, but if this was the best footage they had, then they really probably shouldn't have released it.

Sanity-wise, I'd have to say that Michael Jackson had lost a significant portion of his mind prior to the beginning of rehearsals. There were times that he was upset about something and he didn't even know what his problem was. The crew would try to guess what he was trying to say until finally MJ would just repeat the same thing over and over again until the crew would just agree with whatever unintelligible string of words was coming out of his mouth.

Overall, I'd have to say that This Is It is a poorly produced mish-mosh of underperformed classic songs and crazy that goes on for way too long and culminates into absolutely nothing.