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Fast Five


This series continues to surprise me. I wasn't a huge fan of the original and actually ended up liking the first sequel a little more than it's predecessor (even though I was certain I couldn't possibly like a movie called 2 Fast 2 Furious). I'm pretty sure we can all agree that, while not completely unwatchable, the third in the franchise, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, was kind of a joke. With the original team in place, the fourth installment was fairly successful and possibly better than the first two, and now, Fast Five is definitely the best of the bunch.

Keep in mind that when I endorse some of these movies, it's based entirely on fun factor. There's really no substance to these movies at all. There's rarely ever any doubt that it's going to work out for the main characters in the end, so it's really all just adrenaline pumping action that makes Fast Five the first official popcorn movie of the year.

If you can suspend disbelief and get past the blatant disregard of physics, you'll have a blast watching Fast Five... and probably the next in the series as well. Yes, there will be another movie.

Water for Elephants


Water for Elephants is Titanic at the circus. The movie is set up exactly the same except with an old man reminiscing about the events that led up to a tragic circus accident rather than an old woman reminiscing about the events leading up to...

All of the players are there the poor homeless boy that shouldn't be there to begin with who then impresses a wealthy woman with his unforeseeable talents. The wealthy woman, controlled by an overbearing, tyrannical man who feels that he owns her, is easily seduced by, and falls in love with the poor penniless sitar player and the two must hide their love for fear of societal pressures and the wrath of her husband.

It's animal torture porn for a bit and then we slowly make our way to the "event" that defined this man's life... that changed everything... the event that brings him to tears from the mere sight of a picture of the old circus.


Nothing happens. The dangerous animals get loose and scare the crap out of everyone, but as you learn early on, the cats have no teeth. The only person injured in the event is the asshole that was keeping the star-crossed lovers apart. Through narration, we learn that the circus was dismantled as a result and the two lovers have a long fulfilling life together raising children, leading to the eventual death of his wife from natural causes. That's how it ends.

There are several movies that I deem a waste of time because they are poorly made or unnecessary remakes. Water for Elephants is a waste of time because nothing happens in the entire 2 hour and 15 minute running time.

Scream 4


Let's get something out of the way. Scream is one of my favorite movies of all time. Scream 2 left a lot to be desired and Scream 3 was terrible.

While Scream 4 could never be as good as the original, it's light years better than 2 and 3.

The latest installment is comparable to the original in enjoyability, acting level, direction, and dialogue quality. Where 4 drops the ball is in the "spoofing" aspect of the film. They didn't take the "reboot" theme or the "torture porn" theme far enough to mimic the point of the original film which was really supposed to be mocking the concept while still being a high quality film within the genre.

There were a few missed opportunities that I wish they had given me the opportunity to consult them about, but when all is said and done, Scream 4 is a perfectly acceptable addition to the franchise.

Your Highness


Your Highness probably wouldn't have been as bad as it was if they had left out the pot jokes (and I guess changed the title) and they probably should have left out a few "fuck"s. I'm not against vulgarity... in fact I might actually thrive on it at this point, but if you use it too much, it becomes unfunny.

The movie wore out it's welcome pretty early on. I still laughed a few times, but not enough to keep me awake. That's right... I fell asleep. It was just too nonsensical. I immediately lost half of my interest in the movie when I saw the robot bird sidekick and the rest was gone when they got attacked by ninjas.

This team of film makers (James Franco, Danny McBride, and director David Gordon Green) try too hard. They have good ideas and a strong sense of what's funny, but just as they did with Pineapple Express, they pass the "good" mark and bring the movie all the way to "stupid".