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The Twilight Saga: New Moon


An intense lack of interest in the story is severely impeding my ability to review New Moon objectively. I strongly believe that even with the key demographic being teenage girls, the filmmakers should have made an effort to include everyone. They could have made the action more intense, they could have included better special effects. They could have left out some of the sappy dialogue... unfortunately, as it is, the performances are wooden, the writing is maudlin and hackneyed, and the story is inconsistent, not to mention the complete disregard for the folklore the characters are based out of.

Here are some samples of dialogue:

Edward to Bella (she explains that she won't accept a birthday gift from him because she can't give him anything in return): "You give me everything just by breathing."

Edward to Bella (I don't remember the exact circumstances leading up to the vapid delivery of this gem): "You already do protect me. You're my only reason to stay alive, if that's what I am..."

Jakob to Alice (not a direct quote): "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Some new rules according to Stephanie Meyer... because apparently, she's allowed to change them:

- Vampires can come out in daylight.

- Werewolves can transform at will, into actual wolves, without the help of a full moon.

- Werewolves are never allowed to wear shirts.

- I haven't figured this out yet, but if you're a werewolf, for some reason you can regenerate pants when you transform back into a human (but not a shirt), or you have to keep spare pairs of pants planted strategically throughout the forest so that when you transform back into a person you won't be naked.

- Vampires can hear each others thoughts, but not about crucial information, like, 'you don't have to kill yourself to be with your girlfriend because she's not dead'.

I don't know how the book ended, but I do know that the movie ended poorly (not that I cared, I had checked out long before the end).

Obviously, if you're going to see New Moon, there's nothing I can say in this review that will stop you... I am hoping to deter the casual movie-goer, though unfortunately there really isn't much else to go see. Two down... ugh, still two to go.

1 comment:

Zombie Extraordinaire said...

Dear God New Moon is just too painful too watch. I felt so tortured that I wriggled so much on the theater's seat until my friend thought I was dying.