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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra


G.I. Joe is just empty. Poorly written, acted and directed, you leave the theatre with an indifference about how you spent the previous 2 hours. It's like having ice cream for dinner... bad ice cream. You might enjoy it at the time, but you get no satisfaction from it.

They tried to cram too much story and too much action into 105 minutes. There was too much coincidental conflict between the two organizations making an already unbelievable story all that much more unbelievable. The dialogue is awful; at one point in the middle of an action sequence, Baroness tells a civilian woman that she likes the woman's shoes. The plot itself was so inconsequential that I can't for the life of me remember what it was. I do remember that it ended in a way that wholly contradicted the title of the movie. If you're going to imply doom in the title of a movie, it shouldn't end well (example: The Empire Strikes Back/Revenge of the Sith). It seems that COBRA rises and falls during the course of the movie and so the title could easily have been G.I. Joe: There May or May Not Be a Sequel... It All Depends On How Much Money This Movie Makes.

If you liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you'll absolutely love G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. If you have any intelligence at all, however, you probably won't. Ooooooooh, burned.

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